Category Archives: Dalilah's Diary

The Journey (5)

It was time. Dalilah looked at her house one more time, just to have the last glance. ‘I promise, I will come back again,’ she mumbled to herself. Then, she slowly pulled her last luggage toward the taxi. This was the last ride to the airport. Then, having to wave goodbye to all her dear friends and relatives before her final set-off to her final destination. She felt relief yet uncertain – intertwined with other mixed feelings which continually dragged her to down and down. Her stomach was twisted, yet again!

She wanted to console and convince herself, that this journey would be the best and the last ride of her life. Her search for true love has finally ended.  Dalilah’s body trembled a little. She smirked. Such a heavy feeling. She felt as if her lunch was reaching the tip of her throat. ‘I should be happy. I should be happy.’ She murmured again.

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The Journey (4)

Dalilah waited some news from Maarten after he left to his homeland. They had had several contacts through emails and phone calls. Maarten reassured her that everything would be all right since he sensed some uncertainty from Dalilah’s voice whenever they talked. Not knowing what was happening on the other side of the world, Dalillah put all her trust onto Maarten. After all, he’s my husband now, she thought. What could go wrong?

After some legal arrangement in the Netherlands, Maarten told Dalilah to start preparing for her journey to a new home. During that time, Maarten persistently urged Dalilah to sell her business and her property – reassuring her that a new beginning awaited her there with full hope. It wasn’t easy to find a buyer to take over her business, nor to sell her property in a very short period of time. Dalilah didn’t understand either why she needed to sell her property – after all she would like to retire one day in Malaysia with Maarten by her side. Maarten did mention about that idea too over and over again – telling her that Malaysia would be the most ideal retirement place for him. She believed him because she knew there was a lot of truth in it. No doubt about that. Maarten had showed Dalilah that he truly enjoyed his life in Malaysia.

The pressure of wanting to be with her husband and simultaneously needed to sell everything she had made Dalilah very confounded. Some friends couldn’t comprehend her reactions because they detected something wasn’t right with the big move. Especially when she needed to ‘get rid’ of her ‘stuff’ in Malaysia in order to be with her husband. If the husband was understanding enough, this topic shouldn’t even worth thinking of. After all, it was her property, her belonging. Not his. Others took advantage by dragging her down to almost bankruptcy. They offered such ludicrous amount of money that she almost fainted! All in the game of ‘good business’.  Dalilah was desperate. Yet again.

Eventually, after all the troublesome and heartache of having to sell her business, Dalilah decided to keep her house and sold her car – for a ridiculously low price! She wanted to cry since she couldn’t bare to see the amount of loss she accumulated. How could this be possible? Nonetheless, everything she did was out of love. Perhaps this was the sacrifice people were talking about, she thought. Being single is one thing, being married is another, she thought even more.

moving small

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The Journey (3)

It was now a matter of confusion. Or rather a matter of insecurity. Almost everybody Dalilah knew settled down after a serious relationship. At least most of them. She didn’t understand what it was so difficult to have a commitment with Maarten. She wanted it, but Maarten seemed to hesitate a lot, especially earlier in their relationship. She didn’t dare to ask nor to mention the word. She was afraid that might drove Maarten away. Far away. Maarten reminded Dalilah over and over about his failures in the past and that gave her the impression that he might not want to settle down for good.

Maarten had had so many relationships in the past. Few were serious but mostly one-night stands. Maarten only targeted women from the same nationality – Malaysians.  He found them sexy and alluring. Their tiny body attracted him so much. Maarten’s too many unsteady relationships gave Dalilah the ugliest impression about himself. Nevertheless, she still wanted to continue being with him. Perhaps the fact that she desperately wanted to be loved so much by a man, the slightest attention from Maarten brought her to another world. Despite the fact Maarten wasn’t really the best man for her, Dalilah thought she could settled for second best. Dalilah didn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone.

Living the life in Asia, Maarten had had it all. He had the idea that Asian women were easier to maintain – on monetary wise, that is. He strongly believed that Asian women were so easy to please and very obedient. He saw how easy it was for him to get free love. Especially being a white man – it was rather convenient to him, as he thought.

Dalilah, on the other hand, who was brought up in such a religious background, didn’t believe in getting or receiving free love. She was constantly haunted and muddled by Maarten’s mixed behaviour. Nonetheless, surprisingly Dalilah got so many positive reactions from her friends and her children that made her wanted to stay with Maarten. His charms wooed her many times over, especially when her children were so fond of him and kept telling Dalilah that ‘he’ is the ‘one’.

At a certain point in their relationship, Maarten decided to seal their rocky turmoil journey by asking Dalilah’s hand in marriage. Shocked, yet excited she immediately replied – ‘yes’. Maarten took Dalilah to choose an engagement ring to tie her down.

Wedding rings

Wedding rings

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The Journey (2)

Dalilah was rather lonely. She looked around and to her amazement, she saw love everywhere. Everywhere else but unfortunately love never stayed long in her life. Envious with all her girlfriends’ love fortune, she promised herself that she would not end up alone in the desert island. She wanted the same. She wanted to be loved and to give love.

Being such a hard headed woman, Dalilah was not the type to flaunt her body. She valued her self worth, although sometimes that didn’t help her much getting into the dating game. She felt more lost and isolated. Most of her girlfriends spent most of their nights partying out – enjoying their youth. Whilst Dalilah, being rather conservative, she decided that true love would come crawling at her feet one day. The honourable way.

Looking at her life and constantly comparing it with her close mates, she felt more and more desperate. After her first divorce, she only had two serious relationships, which tragically to say, ended up in total disaster. At one point, she concluded that she was destined not to experience love, nor to give love – until she met Maarten.

Dalilah got acquainted with Maarten many years back – but only as friends. She wasn’t ready to open up to him – or to any man for that matter – especially to someone who differs entirely from her background. Maarten was there mostly for work. His employer sent him to the East to promote their company. To Maarten, the East is not some strange remote place anymore since he was almost awarded as the ‘frequent flyer’ from the Dutch Airlines! Maarten wanted to blend in – including having relationships with the local women. He tried his best and unfortunately failed many times over. Somehow he didn’t seem to learn from his mistakes. Maarten was also hard headed. Just like Dalilah.

After 7 years of friendship, somehow fate brought them together. Dalilah was ecstatic. She dreamed of the prince charming on the white horse. The red carpet treatment.

Couple

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The journey

It was not so long ago that Dalilah entered the Netherlands. With a tonne of courage, faith and love, she decided to make this big move. At first she hesitated, thinking how this would truly affect her and her children. This wasn’t her first marriage, but she wanted it to be the last. She thought that with such love, needed an enormous sacrifice. Perhaps she didn’t realise that sacrifice should derived equally between both parties, but wanting to be in love and stay in love, she totally lost her common sense.

It was rather a sad true story for most women all around the world. They all had, and still have, one thing in common – searching for true love. So as it seemed.

Dalilah and child 1

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